I, Me, Myself - the selfish me

I, Me, Myself - Aarti's Mom put it so simply in words.



I never realized until today what agony my brother goes through each day trying to keep up with the world around him from the little that he is able to hear.

I was never around him when he went to his first tests or any of the later ones, nor when my Father and he went out to get a hearing aid. I never knew the kind of advancements that technology has brought about in this area with gadgets. I never realized the kind of detail that goes into creating or choosing the right gadget for a person. Today, when I was in that testing room with my brother and later when the doctor explained patiently the details of what is tested, why, and how they arrive at suggesting the right fit, I felt a deep pain within. Suddenly all those days and times when I almost vented out in desperation at my beloved brother not responding to a call, or needing a repetition of what was just spoken swarmed my thoughts to humble me enough, to make me realize how selfish I'd been in my thoughts all the while.

For 37 years of his life, brother passed on the need to use a hearing aid in both ears and limited himself to using a basic 1 channel model for his better ear. He used the basic model because during those days when he needed high end but costlier models our parents were investing the limited resources we had at hand towards my education. And, he never complained. Today, when the doctor marked a NR (No Result) for a frequency of sound brother could not detect (and will not be able to anymore), a tinge of pain shot through me. Brother's is a neurological condition whereby his hearing is impaired (since childhood) naturally. Just as my myopic condition deteriorates gradually so does his hearing. The rate at which my eye sight deteriorates is slowed down as I use my glasses dawn to dusk. And so does brother need his hearing aid and one that really suits his need. How foolish of me to not have realized that!

Nothing in my power's going to change what has passed by. I wish I realized it earlier but it is what it is. All I can do is help safeguard what is left. Whatever it takes of me.